Sixteen And a Half Days

Wow. I can't believe it's been three months since I updated the blog. So many things have changed in that time. I'm a different major, which in turn has given me a different graduation date, I have a girlfriend, the best girlfriend in the world, and I have a new belt. Which is really important...

The thing that makes me the happiest about these changes is being with you. We were really together before May, but it's the commitment aspect of it, knowing that we're together and knowing what that means for both of us. Every time I see you, I am more and more certain that I want nothing more than to be with you every day, until I go first. Looking into your eyes and seeing the future with you, that's the best change of all.

So in sixteen and a half days, I'll be getting on an airplane in Orange County, and 8 hours and 35 minutes later I'll be running towards you, excited beyond all reason to be near you again. To look at you again, to hug you again, and most of all, to see the future in your eyes again...

Because as many changes as there have been, and will continue to be, there's one thing that will always make me happy to know and to say...

I love you.

Magic

A new month deserves a new blog.

To be quite honest, May has never had as much significance to me as it does this year. As fantastic as March was, and as many hurdles were jumped in April, I'm definitely much more excited for May. This month means the end of Junior year, a trip to Florida, and most importantly, a chance to be back next to you, where I'm truly happy.

That's why I made the title of this entry "magic." Because recently there's been so many things in my life that remind me there's been an element of magic in getting me where I am today. From a random Facebook friend in Arizona four years ago, to a few text messages back in November, to watching the fireworks at Disneyland, and now to incredibly accurate horoscopes.

It's a good feeling, knowing that there's so many signs, so many reasons to know this is right. As I get through each of these days missing you more every minute, it's something I hold on to...that you are the only person I feel right with.

Which is why among all of the other benefits of May, I'm not so patiently waiting for the 20th. When I get to revisit all that I've been missing, experience even more new things with you, and yes, have magic back in my life.

Steamboat Willie

Yes! Another title beginning with S...

Whenever you feel sad, try listening to Steamboat Willie. If you can make it all the way through without being cheered up, then you've got problems. Tonight after getting off the phone, I listened to it. And I made it through about 4 seconds before I broke out in a huge smile. It's impossible to be sad for long when you have such incredible memories to look back on. I forgot that for a few minutes tonight, and I'm sorry it happened.

I know this is just as hard on you as it is for me, and I want to make it easier for both of us by being someone who can make you laugh and make you smile, whenever possible. I can't promise that I'll never get sad, it's part of missing you so much. But I can promise that whenever I get that sad, I won't let it last for long. There are too many things to be thankful for, too many wonderful memories to be made, and too many reasons for me to be grateful that I have you.

It's not hard to see how much I miss you, I was able to write three pages to you last night, spend hours talking to you today, and still have more to say long after you've gone to sleep.

But the best news is that in just a few short weeks I'll be sitting in your car, putting in a mix CD with an extremely addicting first song, looking at you, and smiling all over again.

Southern California

Continuing along with the blog titles beginning with "S" theme...

I never knew I could hate it here so much. Don't get me wrong, I love Southern California, it's an incredibly diverse place, from the people, to the geography, to the astounding amount of things to do, places to go, and sites to see. But there's something missing. I guess I've been aware of this for the last few months, but it's really hitting me hard now.

I'm locked into living in Southern California for the next year, and as much as I love it, without this part that's missing, it seems like a waste of time. I've realized it's because I want to share all the things that I love with her. I want to take her to Big Bear and have a completely different feeling than when I take her to Disneyland. I want to take her to Vegas and have a completely different feeling than when I take her to San Diego.

I want her to see the things that used to make me content with my life.

Because I also want her to see that knowing how she makes me feel, how happy I am, the only thing that could make me complete is being with her.

Sinatra

It's fun to live vicariously through the songs of Frank Sinatra.

It's also very frustrating.

It's tough to go through this holding period, but I am so positive that you are worth every second of the wait. It's amazing how full I feel with you. I know that nothing in the world could possibly make me happier.

I intend to spend a very long time holding you, kissing every inch of your face, telling you over and over again how I feel about you.

This torment won't be through, until you let me spend my life making love to you.

Day and night. Night and day.

Slumdog Millionaire

It's interesting how movies affect you, isn't it? I like going into movies without expectations, unless they're High School Musical and I know it's going to be amazingly bad, so I didn't read much about Slumdog Millionaire before seeing it. I've now watched it three times, and every time, I get sucked into the story, sucked into the characters, and sucked into the relationships. I've had to think about the movie a lot, seeing as I'm writing a paper based on it, and I've come to the realization that the reason I like it so much is because of the ending.

Without giving too much away, I think it has such an impact on me because of the dedication of the characters, because of the obstacles they have to overcome.

It's good to know that whatever else happens in my life, I can be happy...

Because I found you.

Thoughts

I hate being miserable. I hate being affected. I hate the feeling of being out of control. I hate anticipating things being worse than they actually are. I hate thinking too much. 

I miss Disneyland. It represents happiness and an absence of worry. An absence of the problems of everyday life. It makes me remember some of the best days of my life. And makes me want to make even better memories in the future. 

I feel like I've been repeating this same thing for 5 years. And I don't like that. 

I don't like that school is starting again next week. And I don't like that I have nothing to look forward to right now. 

Basically, the last couple days have sucked.